My Higher Power is John Stamos
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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