neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
