Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
