Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
a search helicopter?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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