I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I could fuck to npr.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
