rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
high people should be assigned attendants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
