I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
