I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
