remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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