They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
