dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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