forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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