Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
