I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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