We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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