I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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