dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
