so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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