sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
