I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize