Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
