I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
