and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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