I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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