My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
