my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
