I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
