Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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