Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was like eating out sand paper
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
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