I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
