finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
