What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
