Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
