whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
