we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
