i may or may not be watching the land before time
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
