I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
