Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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