Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
