apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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