I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
