his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
