My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
