How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hippo gnu deer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
