He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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