I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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