the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
