Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
