she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
