so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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