I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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