Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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