He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
