I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
