All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
