Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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