So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
