Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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