I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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