I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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