no, he came in my armpit
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
