I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
