Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
