I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
