I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
