I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she peed on how many people?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
