I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
