Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
