Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
