After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
