dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.