Swine flu. Run for my life!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.