I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.