I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
