yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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