Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my shit smells like andre
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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